Pretty.

As in, pretty bloody expensive.

New Zealand, pretty as it is, is emptying my bank account faster than a pretty, fast, bank account emptying thing. In a box.

We're in Queenstown for a long weekend, where twenty quid for a shave means my regrown beard lives to fight another day.

The main drag

Not the bird sanctuary

Twenty three quid (each!) got us into the local bird reserve, but we did see some nice ducks and parrots, a falcon with a broken wing, watched kiwis at feeding time - a rare treat - and saw other top birds, including a fantail, a rare stilt and a cheeky kea.

Here kea here

Falcon with broken wing

Not the bird sanctuary

Yesterday we took a bus trip to Milford Sound, for a wet and windy boat cruise. Pretty impressive, New Zealand has a LOT of landscape. Our bus driver/guide, Tom, was great. From the west of Ireland, he was a funny and informative fella, and his voice was pure Terry Wogan.

Queenstown was a bit 'cookie cutter' for me. A ski resort-style place, too neat and tidy, loads of money floating around, full of expensive eateries, 'adventure' sports outlets and shops full of any amount of 'funky' tat.

Each time I hear or read the word 'adrenaline' my heart sinks a little more; it's all very overexcitable and exhausting, but we have been getting back into trim with a stiff uphill walk into the hills, for some views of the town and lake. Must do more - it seems to cheer me up, and it's free.

"Art"

They like a good life-affirming slogan here, too, usually a bit passive-aggressive, eg "Please pay upfront and don't forget to have a nice day!". Always suggesting we chill out, but with a triple exclamation mark.

Yes, I am feeling my age among this younger generation, but then I always did.

Still, after a superb Sunday roast in the hostel we hammered a team of Germans at Pictionary.

Well, I say 'hammered', there were four of us playing an English language game against three foreigners, and we only beat them by one go, so a hollow victory. 1966 and all that.

Anyway, today we are off to Arrowtown, which promises to be a little more characterful, ie it's old...

... but of course, it wasn't. Well, it was old under the skin, but was a dolled-up tourist trap: jewellery shops, quaint-cute sweete shoppe and ye olde post office, etc. Worth a look, but the ten quid bus ticket to get there was another reason to be cynical. Nice pie shop, though.

North.

A trip around the north of New Zealand's north island with Kim's old friend Steve and his son.

We started at his lovely pad in Auckland from where he drove us up-country to his 'office', a fabulous beachfront bungalow at Bream Bay. Next day it was up to Cable Bay to Driftwood Lodge where we spent two nights, drank loads of red wine and had several pies.

A highlight was visiting a toilet in Kawakawa designed by famous Austrian artist Fridensreich Hundertwasser, who lived in the town for many years. Somewhere between Klimt, Miro and Mondrian, it was a colourful mix of ceramic tiles, glass and mirrors.

There was also a museum with a shark.
Slightly better than Damien Hirst...

Pie stop

Eden point, view of Auckland

I got a chance to drive Steve's car on the run back down to Auckland, past some great scenery and on perfect driving roads (for all you petrolheads).

Next day it was off to the North shore to meet Norma, my long-lost first cousin once-removed, where we spent a lovely afternoon chatting and putting the world to rights, having a nice stroll around the neighbourhood and under the Auckland Harbour bridge, before a quick snifter then 'home' again for the night.

We'll see Norma and her family again next week, but meanwhile have an early start tomorrow for a flight SOUTH...

Toast.

Your plane departs at 11pm on Wednesday 1 October, flies for 13 hours, then arrives at 3am on Friday 3 October.
 

Q1 What is in the pilot's sandwiches?
 

Q2 What happened to Thursday 2 October?
 

Kim and I discussed this at length over our final burger, chips and beer in Santiago airport, prior to flying off.
 

Using a pint of bitter as the Earth and a biro as the Sun, with a serviette for making notes, we ended up no closer to the solution to this mind-bender, but slightly more drunk.
 

We have just woken up clear-headed though, in a clean bed in a beautiful house in Auckland, where we have had tea, toast, drunk water from a tap and put toilet roll IN the toilet.
 

In short, we are back in the real world at last, at our friends' house. Much more on them later, but they are away right now!
 

Meanwhile, we have to find out where the shops are, as Kim is off to the hairdresser's, leaving me to mull over how last weekend's football fixtures had started as I was getting out of bed on Saturday but this weekend, kick off is at 3am on Sunday morning...!?