Guns & Roses

"Don't call me Charlie..."

"You wanna hear my story, huh?"

Mr Binh, Billy to his American friends, was the tour guide for our Cu Chi tunnels excursion.

Still looking cool at 64 in baseball cap and aviators, his story was that he had fought with the US in the "American" war, joining the Marine Corps to fight, or at least plan intelligence, against his own people.

Very small European person

Rightly seen as an American stooge after the war ended, he spent six years in prison for taking the Yankee dollar, emerging destitute but in one piece, and ready to play his part in the new Vietnam which was finding its feet after decades of foreign intervention.

He's a funny and engaging guy, with loads of tall tales. Yanks couldn't get down the tunnels 'cos they all had fat asses (a recurring theme), couldn't sit in a good firing position on their haunches as they had suffered "lazy toilet" training, etc, and as the final part of the tour, led us on a strange rendition of Hey Jude.

He swiftly changes his narrative tone from laid-back brother in arms, to a more stern, warning note as he leads us 'round the horrific man-traps, bomb craters and subterranean lifelines, telling of the grim realities and horror of jungle warfare.

Spot the Viet Cong...

With an obvious anti-US twist - stranger yet, since he was on their side - he makes it clear the Americans were never going to win this one.

B52 bomb crater.
Good at blowing factories up,
rubbish with tunnels.

Ouch.

In complete contrast was Pha ("Call me Pha away"), possibly the most sex-starved person in South East Asia.

He was our guide on a two-day Mekong Delta boat and bus trip, involving a hotel stayover and boy did he want company.

Pha, aka Mr Date Rape

A sample of his patter (which from anyone else could quickly grate):

"My fam'leee, good morning my fam'lee! Oh my God!Today we drink snake wine - make you stronger... and longer! Ooh la la! You give me your room number, you listen for three knocks and Pha will be there. Oh my fam'leee! You single? No problem." (hugs nearest person)

This was repeated many times over the two days of a long, hot bus journey, yet amazingly he endeared himself to us all as he was such an enthusiastic, nice guy.

Mintowt.

The trip was excellent, if touristy. We visited (yet another) temple and big Buddha, took a little sampan trip up a backwater to visit flower gardens and fruit orchards, and took a big boat across the wide Mekong river to watch rice noodles and coconut candy being made.

The highlight of the tour was taking a morning boat out to the floating market where the ever-hardworking Vietnamese brought their produce onto the river early each day.

Flowers, fruit, vegetables, tea, coffee, bread, and lots more, often found by sailing up to the right boat, more often than not by a small boy or woman pulling alongside and giving it the hard sell.

On the streets.

Pha right, can't take his eyes off the snake.

Linda and Chad. She gave Pha his sinister nickname.

So, a good trip with lots of colourful culture and good grub! Kim and I had our first hotpot - a huge pile of noodles, veg, mushrooms and tofu prepared for us to add to the stockpot.

Kim had wanted to get some 'proper' food, but was very pleased to be a veggie for one night only.

Hotpot.

Kick Out The Jams!

Ho Chi Minh City is a constant swirl of mopeds, harrying busdrivers, dodging pedestrians stepping off pavements packed with food stalls, touts and even more scooters.

We were warned it would be full on, and happily it was.

Considering the amount of people on the roads, the traffic flowed surprisingly smoothly.
It took us a couple of hours to pick up the rhythm, but once we found it we loved it.

If London replaced 90% of its cars with scooters and bikes we might be getting somewhere with the congestion problem. Obviously, that's too simple a solution, but we can dream.

Thanh was the man who supervised a pillion tour we took around the city with Saigon On Bikes - Kim and me on a bike each in our fetching lime-green pisspots (there's nowt better than standing out like Dumb and Dumber) with our guides doing the hard work up front.

Stopping for lunch, snacks and a chat now and again, they spun us around the different districts - business, residential, backpacker, Chinatown, "dog" street (traditionally for pet shops, or where you pay the ransom for your kidnapped pedigree, apparently).

Along boulevards and freeways we went, over river bridges, down tiny alleyways, ending with a rush hour spent in the throng of thousands of home-bound commuters.

It was like a race track (sometimes F1, sometimes motocross over gravel shortcuts), really exciting, really mad, breathless, good fun.

In between dodging the HCMC traffic, we had some lovely grub (including two Indians!), made a new friend, visited the Cu Chi tunnels and did a Mekong Delta trip - more on these next time...

Monkey Mad Mob

Breaking from Phnom Penh for three days, we took a bus to Kratie to seem some river dolphins, spent a day riding bikes around the remote little island of Koh Trong and visited a Buddhist 'mountain' where we were mugged by a troupe of greedy monkeys.

This was, amazingly, the most threatened we have been on our whole trip.

Creeping up on us one by one, each time we turned 'round there was a bigger monkey, more greedy than the last and certainly more threatening.

I thought they'd settle for a couple of banana chips each, but they made it clear they wanted the whole bag, plus whatever was in my shoulder bag (water and suncream).

I would have taken better shots, but was too busy running away...

Kim picked up a big stick, I clapped my hands like a girl and we beat a retreat to the other side of the mountain to see some butterflies and Buddhas.

Angry Buddhist art - well I never!

Rising early, we'd taken a tuk-tuk then a boat to see the threatened Irrawaddy river dolphins (about 75 left in the world).

As usual, the little beggars were hard to photo, but we saw maybe a dozen of them and had a lovely tranquil hour on the water of the Mekong river.

Riding back via the mountain, we got a real glimpse of how 'ordinary' folk live around Kratie. Simple lives, really simple.

On the following day, we took the ferry across to the small island of Ko Trong. We cycled around its mainly one-track circumference, seeing cattle, fields, meadows and farmland, with houses and people picturesquely picked out in the landscape.

One lovely encounter was with a little girl and her grandmother(?), who we bought a couple of cans of pop and some crisps from - very Famous five.

She then plied us with some grapefruit and home-made spring roll 'buns' which made for a lovely lunch.

We weren't sure if she wanted paying for them too, or if it was good will, but we did offer and she accepted and graciously allowed to us to take a photo of her in her kitchen.

This was a great day out, rounded off with an hour's wait by the river for the return ferry watching more real life going on around us, without any pesky tourists there.

Lunch break

Strange Phnomena

We said our goodbyes to Bianca in Phnom Penh, but not before loads more food and drink, and we're sure we'll catch up with her again in Vietnam.

More food

Cocktails at the best little gay bar in town,
with Mark and Evelyn

It feels odd that the city is so much like some of the South American places we visited: slightly mad, frantic, hot, dusty, with scruffy street markets and vendors everywhere.

There are millions of tuk-tuks and mopeds here, instead of thousands of cars, which makes for better traffic-flow, even if it is all in one big two-way lane.

Temples replace cathedrals, Buddhas stand in for Madonnas. Often it's only people's faces and street signs that mark a difference from La Paz or Quito.

The King

From the superb Narin's guesthouse, we took a 'daytrip' to the Killing Fields and Toul Sleng prison (see my rant on another post), another to the Grand Palace and Silver Pagoda, and did lots of ambling.

Central Market

There were plenty of sights and sounds to keep us occupied, from the huge old Central and Russian Markets (Kim bought a nice rucksack, I got a fancy shoulder bag) to the brand new air-conditioned shopping mall, with lots of arts, crafts and interesting architecture along the way.

A couple of the girls - who shall remain nameless - thought Phnom Penh was awful and dirty. We thought the reverse, and found much friendly charm under the craziness.